“Conditional
vs Unconditional Relationships for Success”
Featured Story
Inspired by true events
Leroy
and Maggie dated for six months prior to getting married in a church with a huge ceremony.
They have
been married for just over 2 years. They
are both in their mid-twenties with no children and first-time marriage.
Leroy
comes from a traditional family with strong family values where the wife is
very submissive in the home almost to the point that she is obedient to the final word of the husband as was the case of his mother in the home.
Maggie
on the other hand, comes from a more liberal family one of which you are created
equally with the woman having equal say in the home and well-deserving of the
ability to express herself without being considered as a radical.
Thus,
the differences in their views have caused serious conflict in their marriage
almost to the point that Maggie wants out of the marriage and Leroy insists
it’s against his religious beliefs to divorce.
Maggie
is miserable in the home because she feels this is not a marriage instead it’s
a dictatorship because it appears as though she has to get permission from him
to do literally any and everything including buying clothes for herself.
They
have sought and attended numerous therapy sessions of which have included
conditional vs unconditional love in relationships and the dangers that may
become evident when there is a lack thereof.
Leroy
wants and demands to have children, but Maggie refuses to have kids in this
marriage because she is totally unhappy.
In fact, Maggie moved out a month ago back home with her parents and
Leroy has had his pastor visit her on several occasions to try and tell her
that her duty is to be at home with her husband and not in her parents’
house. After the pastor’s third visit,
Maggie insists that he stops coming because he makes absolutely no sense to her
in living under such conditions.
Maggie
loves her husband but just can’t seem to live with him not like this.
Questions
are:
1.
Is
Maggie’s duty to her husband to go back home?
2.
Is
Maggie’s rationale for not desiring to have kids with her husband reasonable?
3.
Is
Maggie a submissive wife?
4.
Is
Leroy being unreasonable?
5.
Does
this couple have a chance of survival together?
6.
What
advice if any, would you give this couple individually or collectively?
“Food
for Thought”
When I
think of conditional love, I think of a love that is defined that is likely
based on specific and certain terms placed on a relationship that could be prone
to bring resentment in that same relationship.
To me, it’s as if to say, ‘I will love you if you do this or that.’ Of
course, this means, doing something I want under my specified or certain terms
to get my love.
At the
end of the day, is that type of love freely given by the recipient or is it
likely set forth as dictated by the opposing party? I would suggest the later,
which makes the case, who would want to have a relationship where their love is
not freely given but solely based on conditions.
Another
question, how could an opposing party feel truly loved by someone he/she may
have placed such conditions on just to be in the relationship with them? That
would seem to be a purchased typed of love without any emotional attachment
which I consider to be a form or component of love itself.
On the
other hand, when I think of unconditional love, it is a love where there are no
conditions placed or imposed on your significant other and you are both free to
exercise the expression of your emotional love to each other and love each
other in spite of your imperfections.
In the
story, unfortunately, Leroy could miss out on the true love that Maggie has for
him if only he could humble himself to understand that love requires a measure
of the freedom to love and to be loved.
In my
opinion, perhaps if we all learn and practice unconditional love, I really
think the world would be a better place to live.
When
you think about it, ‘isn’t it love that makes the world go around?’
This
has just been my humble opinion, I trust that someway, somehow, you will find a
way to express and receive your love, unconditionally!
Hope
to see you in our next issue. Until
then, stay safe and healthy during our trying times.
Dr. Jesse Walker Inc.
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